Newley.com: Weblog

Want to emultate everyone's favorite New York Times columnist and globalization cheerleader? Well then here's your guide.

The question from BBCNews:

"What happened to Dungeons and Dragons? In the 1980s millions of teenagers world-wide would battle dragons armed with just dice, paper and pens. D&D became part of youth sub-cul ture but as the game celebrates its 30th birthday, is anyone still playing?"

The answer: Nope. They're all writing Weblogs. (Just kidding.)

Best quote from the article: " There is something in D&D that strikes a chord in many people; the call of adventure." --D&D co-creator Gary Gygax.

Adventure? Adventure.

In reference to the Banana Guard, which I mentioned recently, Andi G. sends this amusing missive from Washington, DC:

The Banana Guard proves yet again that necessity is indeed the mother of invention. As much as I think I need one of these puppies--my bananas are always getting bruised and mangled--I have to say I wouldn't be caught dead with one of those in public. I can see it now...

Picture the scene: crowded bus. Crazy Metrobus driver who comes to halting stops every two feet. Andi (as always) clumsily stumbles in the aisle, possibly stepping on a foot or two or knocking seated passengers in the head with one of her many bags. Her heavy, overloaded-with-magazines, overflowing-with-plastic-containers work bag falls. Out spills brightly colored phallic, freaky-parlor-sex-toy-looking thing. It clatters all the way down the aisle o f the bus, everyone's eyes following it until bounces off the fare machine, stops, shines in the sun for a moment and, with a click, snaps open.

Silence. Many heads nod. People peek out from behind their New York Times and Washington Post only to quickly duck back behind e mbarrassingly. Some coughs, some chuckles, some throat-clearing.

And then, Andi walks all the way up to the front of the bus, picks it up, hangs burning red hot face in unnecessary shame, and gets off the bus (it's not even her stop!), never to ride the S2 (or S4) ever again.

I think I'll stick to the Octodog.

...wo rth checking out are:

1) These gory photos from Iraq presumably taken by a recenty-returned American soldier.

If our media were doing a better job of informing us--with hard-hitting photos like these--of the senseless violence that's happening there, these images wouldn't be nearly as shocking as they are. But hey, you can't make a "war on terror" omelette without breaking some eggs, right? Gimme a break. I can't believe my tax dollars are fundin g this lunacy.

2) On a lighter note, here're some exceptional photos of crazy Japanese vending machines!

Submit your designs and find more info here. (Let's just hope, for decency's sake, that this guy doesn't enter his slogan.)

...appears to be the place to go for ordering McDonald's in-store promotional materials. How can I get signed up? I'd kill for a McGriddles poster.

This and other crucial snippets for American tourists, such as "You're very pretty for a foreigner" and "It's better in the States," can be found in The Zompist Phrasebook.

...my very own Banana Guard. (No, really, it's a guard for your banana. Seriously.)

Joseph Epstein says:

I was recently asked what it takes to become a writer. Three things, I answered: first, one must cultivate incompetence at almost every other form of profitable work. This must be accompanied, second, by a haughty contempt for all the forms of work that one has established one cannot do. To these two must be joined, third, the nuttiness to b elieve that other people can be made to care about your opinions and views and be charmed by the way you state them. Incompetence, contempt, lunacy?once you have these in place, you are set to go.

In no particular order:

--Like the shirt says, any questions?;
--You heard it here first: "toothing" is here to stay;
--In soccer news, this is really cool. But this is not.

Here's what we did this weekend:

1) On Saturday night, Jill and I, along with a bunch of fellow teachers, attended a professional baseball game at the nearby Chengching Lake Stadium. Lots of fun.

The La New Bears bested the Lions by a scoreline of 12-2. I had high hopes for the concession options, but I was disappointed. Not only was the food--some tough chicken legs and slimy noodles and mediocre popcorn--nothing to write home about, but amazingly, they didn't even sell beer in the stadium. Simply unacceptable.

My sinking spirits, however, were quickly lifted when I caught my first ever foul ball at a pro game. The guy at bat, a right-hander, hit a liner into our section, above the first base line. It came right to me. It was hit well but I stood up and it was right at eye level; I cradled it into my fingertips and it was never in danger of careening out of my grasp. It was a beautiful moment.

Also, the group of us--about 7 or 8 white folks amid a sea of Asians--were featured on the jumbotron during the game. I took a bunch of photos of the night and I'm hoping t hey turn out well. One of them is a shot of me and the Bears' mascot, a guy in a grizzly costume. I towered over him. He was not a large grizzly. (At least not compared to me, that is.)

The game was much like a AA or AAA game back in the US--decent but not top-flight level of play in a tidy but not crowded stadium. Here's more info on baseball in Taiwan, and here're the current stand ings. (And interestingly, there're even some Americans playing here.)

2) Today, Jill and I visited Takao Hill--what the ex-pats call Monkey Mountain--on the outskirts of Kaohsiung. The place is true to its name: in the course of a couple hours of hiking, we saw probably 50 of the critters. And one even got frisky with me. We walked past it and as soon as we took our eyes off of it, it lunged at my backpack, grabbing my butt in the process. It took me by surprise; I yelped, it let go, and it scampered away.

3) After our hike, we had lunch at a place called Teresa's Spanish/Latin American restaurant. It was excellent. Savory tacos, tasty empanadas, and delectable arroz con chorizo. And best of all, Jill and I had an interesting conversation with the owner, Teresa, a woman from La Paz, Bolivia, who's lived in Taiwan for 23 years. She was really friendly (and loved hearing that my brother lives in her hometown), and speaking Spanish with her and eating her food was a pleasant reminder of last year in Ecuador.

To: Newley Purnell, Mr. Smartypants International Traveller

From: Your 401(k) (Remember Me?)

Date: April 17th, 2004

Subject: What am I, Chopped Liver?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You had better freaking hope this is true.

That is all.

"The implication is that to kick back with a liter of Night Train is to be a wino. No one wants to be a wino. Winos are dirty and vulgar and lacking in teeth. There's death on their breath and evil in their eyes. Right? Maybe. Bur most of the winos I've met were decent people. One escorted me to an ATM at 3am, didn't mug me, and sold me a suede jacket."

An unconventional, and quite hilarious, wine review. (Via The Agitator.)

This is a good place to live if, like me, you enjoy food. So far, Jill and I have gleefully explored the culinary landscape from high to low--we've sampled everything from McDonald's to fancy Chinese hot pot restaurants. So far, our favorite meals have been at Japanese-style Teppanyaki joints. (I know these exist stateside, but I'd never really checked 'em out.)

They're exceptional here in every way: the food is delicious, consisting usually of beef or pork sauteed with ample amounts of garlic and hot peppers and served with rice and been sprouts; it's cheap (typically about US$1.50 or $2.00 per person); it's relatively healthy; and perhaps best of all, it's cool to watch the Teppanyaki guys slice and dice work their magic.

...is neverending fun. Though I've yet to win. (In truth, I've been tossing out my receipts. But I'm gonna start collecting 'em.) Check out the details here.

I'm back online, baby. It took two visits from computer technicians to get my laptop hooked up to the Web. But now we're Internet-enabled at our apartment.

(Th e technical details, for you geeks who might be interested: the techs were confused and it took 'em a while to figure out that you don't need software like Enternet, which we installed on my machine, to interface with my new Taiwanese ISP, Hinet. Apparently my iBook, which is running Mac OSX, is set up to use the Built-in Ethernet feature and PPPoE to dynamically assign IP addresses when I fire up the ADSL line. Or something like that.)

More posts to come soon. Stay tuned...

We're making some progress on the at-home Internet connection, so posts will continue to be limited. But here're some links to check out for now:

--Laura P. sends word about a worthy organization: < a href="http://righttovote.org/">Right to Vote, a group raising awareness about barriers to voting for those convicted of felonies. Seems to me that if you've done your time, you shouldn't continue to be punished for your crime.

--Wilco, my favorite band, has a new record due to hit stores June 22nd. But, predictably, the album's already available for free via the Web. Ronen Givony, a Wilco fan in Boston (and owner an excellent Wilco lyrics site), set up JustAFan.org, where, if you've downloaded the album and want to show your appreciation, you can donate money to Doctors Without Borders, a charity the band picked. (Story via Wendy H.)

--Newley.com political analyst Jack W. writes to say he's let his mind stray from the upcoming US presidential election long enough to ponder whether he could retrofit his Ducati to resemble the urban warfire motorcycles being sold in Baghdad.

--Just in time for opening day, Scott D. suggest I replace my link to the fantastic Braves Journal Weblog, which chronicles the travails of my beloved Atlanta Braves, with a blog devoted to a "REAL team," the San Francisco Giants. Okay, Scotty boy, I'll throw you a bone. Here, if you're interested, dear readers, is an equally great Weblog: Across the Seams. (I still hate Barry Bonds, though.)

--Good God please help us. Reeves H. is guest blogging at Number One Hit Song.

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